Back in seventh grade, there was this girl I knew who would always say she was “Good” when asked how she was. After some silly reasoning (and a lot of repition over a year of early morning check-ins), she became accustomed to telling me that she was “Great” as a reply. But why care?

Well, when she used “Good” as a response, it was mundane, rehearsed, full of nothing to it. The inner dramarian in me was persuaded that she needed her word to match what the inner feeling was. I have long stood for congruency across domains.

So when she said “Great” the first time and there was some human expression (rolled eyes at an over-zealously caring friend), I felt more comfortable that she felt heard and took my question as a true sign of acknowledging the value of honesty. So maybe it was worth it to her, too. Her expressions would falter with the inner feelings that came from being a young tween girl. I would respond as a caring friend, willing to build vulnerability with someone through consistent connections.

When we consider what this means, we’re left with two takeaways.

1. Humans value being heard.
2. People want a way to measure being valued.

The first one is of course a throwaway to explain. We all know this because otherwise we’d all sit around as poor listeners and communicators.

The second one. That’s a wild one.

See, the reason people hate the role of academics in assisting change is that academics is based on a statistical analysis of human needs. We learn through modes of education that you should be able to prove your behavior (have justification).

The issue is, when we’re young minds exploring the world, we latch onto how to reason through life. Education as a means of teaching solid justification and not critical thinking through layered reasoning leaves us searching for more. For instance, being told a book only has merit if it has meaning neglects the need for people to actually want the story to answer intrinsic questions.

A story is meant to show that humanity transcends set expectations. If I’m not convinced your story has merit outside of your sphere, I won’t like it. Why is your narrative so important that I can’t read someone else’s? If your book is only applicable to your audience by means of exclusion, why want it?

I know we all thought of a book/play/movie/etc. that brought up those.

But I’ll bite.

My qualm lies within Shakespeare. IF he were really such a good writer, why did he have to prove it by changing target audience each time? Why can’t you maintain confidence within yourself to hold your own narrative in high regard? See, I join in on the idea that he was more than one person, perhaps a collective of writers, because the stories answer too many culturally disprate instrinsic debates.

This is why people get increasingly overwhelmed with questions of value.

The human condition means that we are searching for meaning; that we are striving to answer the call to action, to prove that we have purpose beyond measure.

When we can measure this through communication, we have this feeling that kindness is easily transferrable. A little goading on of changing wording was a dumb example of how kindness means allowing the person to give you more than just a cookie-cutter response. You need to give the person space to open up, but also the space to express emotions that don’t make sense.

The issue is that nonsensical emotions are meant to help us assess connection. But we need to foster the space that allows for those without holding the nonsensible reactions in such high regard that it creates a persona of a person around us.

Good listening is challenging.

Challenging the person to respond as though the world isn’t scary, or hurtful, or unwilling to see them as a full person. Humans want to be valued, and they want to be able to measure it through something easy and consistent.

I may not be much.

But I do know that her measure of her value was more intrinsic afterwards. At least one person there allowed her to be a little different and a little more vulnerable, and it was through consistent quests for earnest responses from her that I was able to show that sometimes we all just want someone who is willing to see the subtle moments and accept that we say too much through far too little.

Cheers!