I want to be clear, I am guilty of this to an extent as well (and I’ll explain in a second how I try to mitigate this).

This is a post about how the ways which we choose to present ourselves (and our stories within that) can be used to create false positives and narratives.

I am a data scientist (and a damn good statistical analyst at that) who works with project management teams and data on qualitative and quantitative levels in high volumes. This applies to HR management, financial management, and clinical analytics and evaluation.

When I began this process of blogging, I was finding my footing in figuring out how to share my story with the world in an advocacy focused way that was honest and kind to all parties.

In my current situation with legal matters being accused of domestic violence from victim blaming, which was a direct byproduct of police misconduct due to poor training and discrimination against victims and mentally ill people, I have learned many truths about what happens when you are validated for once.

I am upfront about how I vocalized my story.

I roped in the police station, the city, the courts, and shared statistics and a real story on social media. I posted on their site that I know which cops it was who wouldn’t give me their badge numbers and who refused to behave properly. I roped in the p police station who was the first one when I was a victim earlier and they didn’t give me victim rights.

I complained to the lawyer on his website. I texted him that it is unwise of him to take more cases like mine, and he knows why (he refused to communicate with me like a real human being, and deferred all talk to my parents, who know nothing about mental health). I wrote him an email expressing exactly what happened so he can have on file directly why I don’t respect him.

I sent several complaints to the police department portal about their misconduct. I escalated this to the department of justice. I directly complained to the court ordered treatment center about their unethical practices toward me. I roped in the licensing body and sent them a copy of all communications back and forth.

But I laughed recently.

Because all of my public call outs were taken down.

I am not a dumb human.

I know what that means – that is legal PR speak for “oh we fucked up and you called us out so thoroughly for it that we are embarrassed due to your grace in demanding justice for yourself rather than saying we’re evil”.

I don’t get complaints resolved because I’m always right or wrong. It’s often a long battle, especially with systems. Sometimes the person you need to talk to is so rude that you want to file a grievance on that alone!

I get complaints resolved by speaking to the person who wronged me from a place of understanding but also a place of wanting to help them. I often am not wanting to give free labor. But also – if it helps me, of course I’ll make systemic change.

When companies and people have only positive feedback and comments I don’t like it.

I want to know that you wronged someone, and I want to see your response to them. I want to see your response to them being honest and kind and respectful. I want to know you can handle not knowing everything. I want to know if you learned from it or are still dumb about it.

I don’t always get things right.

I don’t tell my story perfectly (I don’t know enough about it always). But what I try to do is acknowledge what I learned from it and where I went wrong and how it helps me be better.

I try to present the other person’s perspective from a very kind and thoughtful view. I don’t always get it right, and sometimes I’m really mad and just want to have a record of a complaint.

When it’s personal, though, then I am really respectful toward the person, and then I do my best to delineate when the actions versus the person versus the values were in conflict. I don’t hold grudges towards those who have wronged me.

I wish these public facing views would show a commitment toward change and reducing inequality and discrimination, as well as a willingness to be ethical and held accountable.

I’ll never forget this verbiage on the report “… takes responsibility for her actions …” as if I was being listened to and not misled and manipulated.

Public facing pages where they’re too good to be true often are. If they’re working that hard to prove that they are good, you need to think on why.

If you need legal help and it seems good but then you get frozen out, and you see a direct connection between resolutions and that – speak up.

I do data science.

Public facing people who claim to specialize in a lot of things often don’t. If they were really experts in everything, then they would be talking to you.

When the law tells you that you don’t know what you are talking about (and you have to throw law upon law at them), do it.

There’s resources out there that outline government policies around how police are allowed to use force on mental health crises (including interrogation techniques and such violence), as well as policies surrounding that police are not allowed to use their power to control a person (in any way).

I’m not a lawyer.

That’s absolutely true. Don’t ask me about the issues within the entire industry or anything about the laws or the processes.

But I am well versed in mental health.

I know the policies and procedures that are federally mandated around this. I don’t take those lightly and the police and courts shouldn’t either.

When a public servant says they’re perfect, be careful.

We all make mistakes.

If we don’t know how to gracefully address them or apologize for it, what are we doing?

XOXO,

Dorothy B