When I dated my ex, and he raped me and impregnated me, and drugged me during, and four months into the forced pregnancy (G-d forbid we abort.) picked a fight with me that I was worthless and I screamed at him, “Well, if you don’t want to be with me, then fucking be honest for once, and get the fuck out!”

Well, that was dumb. Trust me.

I miscarried from the abuse and entered into post partum psychosis.

How do I know?

Um… easy. A quick snapshot:

The police showed up and I know – just know – I was bloodied and beaten and bruised – and when they asked what happened, I gave perfect clinical language to explain my post partum psychosis. I’m not dumb. I am so self-aware, I can tell you my state of mind even when I’m in a fucking state of psychosis. Can tell you to then leave me alone. But still.

So the police told the guy (and the g-ddamn court system) that he was DEFENDING HIMSELF against my abuse.

I – HAVE NEVER – WILL NEVER – COULD NEVER – hear anything more obnoxious.

I have a TBI and C-PTSD and severe panic attacks from what he did, but no… he was acting in SELF DEFENSE of course… because that’s congruent???

The Church

Well, I’ll be brief… enough.

I attend a Bible study thing.

We were talking about a litany of topics. And got to the topic of bodily autonomy – and I – I couldn’t stay silent. I threw my foot down that violence on pregnant women is abuse, and post partum responses are not criminal – and anyone who says so is abusive.

And this girl – meaning maybe well – or maybe just ignorant – said “women need to take accountability for what they do in post partum psychosis” – and when asked why – “it’s a moment of mental weakness, and they need to be held reponsible for it”.

She said some other burning hot takes relating this to school shootings. (I will not rant here about how uninformed that is, but it is an incredibly false take. Look it up – there’s nothing linking mental illness to shooting in any significance worth claiming.)

Mental weakness…

So I – meaning not to curse them to oblivion – say “I pray none of you ever experience post partum psychosis. Because it really is awful, and it’s not something anyone should ever have to experience, and I just really hope you never go through that.”

The words I didn’t say?

I hope you never experience what I did, lest you run into yourself and are faced with the same dumb shit response that a mental health crisis is criminal. Fuck you for saying that psychosis – in any of its presentations – is criminal. And you know what, school shootings aren’t a mental health crisis! Look up the damn data. You sound like every other ignorant person who thinks that because they talked to people with mental illness once that they are informed!

And thank G-d I didn’t!

I didn’t because I knew better, and I am glad I held my tongue.

But people in the church sometimes hold the court views as well.

Why? Why does this happen?

Because systems of power who are uninformed can teach each other.

And not all religious places do this.

Believe me, there are a lot of places that do due diligence to ensure that they are ethical and informed beyond the basics. It’s the ones that aren’t that really scare me. Unethical behavior in any context scares me, and this girl is a teacher, and that scares me, too.

I don’t like when educators overstep their bounds.

I respected her on her knowledge, and yet, she had to be the authority on clinical mental health, when that really isn’t something she knows – and proved it. I don’t appreciate people who say they’re supportive of the next generation when it makes sense but not when it’s outside their scope of compassion.

There’s a joke in here about her opening story being she was disappointed that special education teachers weren’t ethical in their behavior to students.

I find it funny when she’s not very kind toward women or mental illness.

XOXO,

Dorothy B.